How Did We Meet?

Does anyone else have one friend that is just an awful human being? I hope I’m not the only one. My friend Sean (not his real name) is just the worst person I have had the unfortunate circumstance of meeting and yet, he and I have friends for a very long time (this probably says more about me, that I would allow myself to be friends with such a dick).

Don’t get me wrong Sean is not a criminal, but he does things that make me question whether or not my life is real or if my entire existence has been some “Truman Show” cosmic joke.

Little background on Sean, he once deleted all his social media accounts because he claimed: “It’s really hard to cheat on my girlfriend when every girl looks me up on social media.” He is indeed, the truest of gentlemen. Everything for Sean boils down to: “How many vaginas can I see in my life?” He used to drive a PT Cruiser because the seats folded down and he could place a small mattress in the back.

“Hey, come look at my car,” Sean said with a big grin on his stupid face.

“Is that a fucking mattress?” I say, not necessarily surprised, but more disappointed that he could live to such cliche male idioms.

“Yeah man.”

“How’d you even fit this in here?”

“Shit man, it’s a hatchback, I can fit seven feet of lumber in here as well.”

“Good to know. Are you seriously going to lure girls into your tiny car?” I ask judgmentally.

“It’s not that small, they market these things as small SUV’s.”

“I’m sure they do.”


I truly hope I’m not the only person in this world with a horrible friend, but they always have the most fun and provide the best stories.


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