Holy fucking dick whistles! Just when I thought this NBA off-season couldn’t get any goddamn crazier Adam Silver showed up to my doorstep and slapped me in the face with his massive basketball loving dick.
I’m saying it again, THE TIMBERWOLVES ARE GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!
They have had the most productive off-season in their history. Their lineup is now better than when they had Spreewell and the “human hairless cat” Sam Cassell.
As a longtime critic and religiously abused girlfriend of the Timberwolves (metaphorically, I’m a dude that has described my love for shitty Minnesota basketball as an abusive relationship) this is everything I have ever wanted and prayed for every night before I went to bed.
Like a child, I would pray on bended knee that one day the Timberwolves wouldn’t suck miles of cock and they don’t (despite never having played a single game). SWEEPING DECLARATION: Timberwolves are going back to the western conference finals within three years.
I’m basketball Nostradamus.
I’m torn, I don’t know if I want to make this one very long article, or stretch it our into various renditions. FUCK IT, multiple renditions! Adding “Part One” to the Title.