Free Form Writing Odyssey

I’m not proud of how many tries it took me to type “odyssey” before I got it right (right click is for quitters).

I just tried to make stir fry and it sucked, so now I’m going to make a post with no purpose and no comprehensible plan. It may come as a surprise to many that I actually put quite a bit of thought into these posts, but this one I’m just going to swing for the fences and hope for the best (much like Aaron Judge, suck it Yankees fans!)

I had a birthday this week. Many consider me young but I have the mentality of a 75 year old man so this may as well be a death sentence. I should clarify, I’m not one of these “anti-birthday” people that hate their birthdays, but to me I often forget about my own birthday until someone reminds me, and I then I say “Oh yeah, neat,” and then I go to work.

Birthdays can be fun, but I often have more fun at other people’s birthdays than my own, but this last week was perfect, I stayed at home, grilled some steaks, enjoyed a moderately priced bourbon, and went to bed after watching a baseball game, fucking perfect. To some, this may sound boring, but this what I love. If I am blessed enough to have a pleasant afterlife every day will be like this.

However, my wife LOVES her birthday, like to an extreme level. She could be actively murdering someone and would say: “But it’s my birthday!” and then I’d allow her to return to her murder. And that’s fine with me because I like celebrating her birthday with her. This year I brought her to a concert, we had dinner after, and stayed in a gorgeous hotel in downtown Minneapolis, another great evening, but very different from my own.

I’m going to be honest, I have no clue where I’m going with this post, I just wanted to write some shit. We’re working on a huge merger at work and that’s all I can think about, but I love doing this so I need to write something to distract myself. Our next post will be better I promise.

How do you like to spend your birthday? Do you like simplicity like myself, or are your a flashy individual much like my wife? Let me know, let’s talk about it.

Advertisements

I’m a Little Slow

I realize this isn’t exactly the most timely or culturally relevant piece but it’s something that’s been weighing on my cranium for the last week or so, and I need to talk about this (Sports piece warning).

I’ve been in an ongoing battle with pneumonia for the last week and while I’ve been too exhausted to write anything, it has given me more than enough time to battle through my fever dreams to have a few coherent thoughts, one of which is: what the fuck happened to Tim Tebow??

Tebow is currently playing a somewhat impressive role as a power hitter for a minor league baseball team, and I’m impressed he made it this far. He’s not going to be Bo Jackson, but the kid’s got some serious power. But how did he get here? It’s not like he was a bad football player, he made it to the playoffs for Gods sake!

Tebow is one of the best college football QB’s quite possibly ever, and I think the downfall of his career was going to the Jets. They didn’t want him, he didn’t want to be there, and now he’s playing minor league baseball. I feel like this guy never got a legitimate shot to show his football chops. He was great in college, and lord knows worse professional quarterbacks have been given more chances than him (there’s a few playing right now that should be cut). I would never call Tebow a loser, but rather he’s a talented athlete that was the victim of an unfortunate series of events. If you have a different opinion let me know. Also, let me know if you think this dude can make it as a legit baseballer.

Suck it Losers (Part Three)

It’s time for America’s new favorite web saga revolving around the exciting world of NBA controversy. This week, whatever the fuck I feel like rambling about before the cocktail of pills and alcohol kicks in and I collapse over my keyboard.

First and foremost, the soon to be NBA champion Minnesota Timberwolves just signed Jamal Crawford and I am about to cry because Minnesota professional basketball has never made me so happy. I feel like a woman whose boyfriend has made a super romantic proposal. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and my life is great, but enough about that because there’s so much basketball chicanery that requires discussion and my levels of consciousness are fleeting by the second.

Gordon Hayward is shipping out to Boston as it were, and I wouldn’t normally give half a fuck, but Boston is now forced to make cap space by pawning 3/5 of the starting five that made them THE NUMBER ONE SEED IN THE EAST.

This shit is ridiculous, you’re giving away the talented majority of your players just so you can have a pretty okay white kid on your team. This is bullshit.

Think about this, in 2015, the Atlanta Hawks were also the number one seed and currently, NOT ONE OF THOSE PLAYERS IS ON THE HAWKS. What fucking universe is this? Is this real life? This is the same path the Celtics are on because they’re cleaning house to accommodate Brad Stevens’ weird white boy crush.

The world has gone insane and this season is going to be a Goddamn shit show. For the first time since 2004, it’s good to be a Timberwolves fan.

First Annual America Day Post (The Origin)

It’s America Day! and as I mentioned on our Twitter feed it’s the special time of year when I hide from my family and friends and watch baseball alone while drinking my secret stash of good beer while my family drinks PBR. I’m a generous host.

Many people wonder why I don’t ¬†write about baseball more. I enjoy baseball a lot it’s not because I have some secret vendetta against the sport, but my history with baseball is… unique.

When I was a child, I was a very gifted pitcher, by the time I was a teenager I was one of the best in the state. I started showing prowess for the sport at a very young age and as a result, my father took it upon himself to make sure I was going to be the best in the world. From around the age of seven up until high school I was outside every day until the sun went down throwing pitches trying to perfect my craft until my arm felt as though it had fallen off hours ago and I eventually crawled back to the house to eat a quick dinner before my father sat me down to go over everything I had done wrong in a series of videos and profanity fueled rants.

This would’ve all been fine if it weren’t for one minor detail, I hated playing baseball (still do, but I’m an adult now). I eventually gathered the courage to tell my father that I no longer wanted to play baseball. This was the first time my father kicked me out of the house. I was always allowed back, but this was merely the first in a series of ejections that would ultimately come to my final one later in life where I didn’t go back, but that’s another story for another day.

Baseball is a great sport. I enjoy watching it as much as possible. But baseball and I, have a strained relationship.