There’s a Bar in my Bathroom

As the title sates, there is indeed a bar in my bathroom. It’s a staple I have installed in every establishment that has housed my physical body, and one of the many reasons why the bathroom is my favorite room of any home (well, favorite room in MY home).

Having a bathroom is important, but having a bathroom bar is more important. You ever had a drink in the shower? It’s fantastic. DISCLAIMER make sure it’s a night shower and not a pre-work morning shower, people to tend to throw around words like “alcoholic” if that’s the case.

I should mention, this is not a fancy bar. It’s comprised of cheap liquor bottles and a small table I bought at IKEA. Lovely table. I’m a big fan. Since I already keep booze in my bathroom I also on occasion keep beer under my sink. I’m not a big beer drinker, I prefer hard liquor, no preference, whatever gets my drunk. With beer however, I’m very picky. I enjoy drinking silly hipster brews in moderation and pretending I know what I’m talking about when in actuality I’m quite possibly the most uninformed person in the room.

“Hmmm, yes this beer tastes as if it was made using hops and malt,” he said trying to pretend he knows anything.

Since I keep beer under my bathroom sink next to cleaning chemicals and my gun, there’s really no great way to keep it cold so I have grown to develop a love for warm beer (with a nice after taste of chemicals). I’m going to be honest, warm beer gets a bad reputation. I think it’s delicious. I like it so much I made a Tweet about it last night. FYI if you people read this and are also on Twitter FOLLOW ME IMMEDIATELY OUR FEED IS FUNNY AS FUCK!!! @ViridianReader.

Warm beers delicious. Cold beer is solid as well, but if you haven’t tried warm beer I highly suggest it, but don’t try it with some big brand beer that sponsors sporting events such as a brand that rhymes with “Poors Flight” you know what Poors Flight and sex in a canoe have in common? They’re both fucking close to water *Rim Shot*.

Have something thick and hoppy. Something dark and thick (also how I like my women). What’s your opinion on warm beer? Have you tried it? Did you like it? If not, why? Let’s talk about it. Drink more and sex more. Life is fun, and I love you all. Have a good night.

These are the Days

I miss being a kid. Not a small child but like a teenager, roughly sixteen. Granted, high school is just the absolute worst, and these are easily the most awkward years of human existence, but I love thinking about all the dumb shit I did when I this age.

I guess I like thinking about one aspect in particular, girls. I know we did a sex post the other day, but dammit I want to make another one. I’m married now to the greatest person in my life and the family her and I have crafted together is very special and significant, but think about how fun sex was when it was brand new. The first few times are usually pretty rough, but once you get the swing of things, it’s a great time.

Not even just sex, but the times when I would lay on the couch in my parents basement with a girl and we would just watch a terrible movie and make out for hours hoping no one was awake. I know a lot of you are thinking: “Well you can do that with your wife as well.” Very true, and we do, but there’s something about the stupid fun of being young that can’t escape my thoughts.

What do you all think, am i living in the past and need to move on with my life, or is it okay to want to do stupid kid things again? I guess sex isn’t really a kid thing, but you get my damn point.