Sex is fun, especially when you’re young (I mean, it’s always awesome, but especially when it’s new). When I was a young sir coming up in this world, I wanted to do everything (read “Tomorrow’s Trash Day”). The beautiful young woman I was seeing was… let’s say adventurous, SIDE NOTE this is the same girl from “Tomorrow’s Trash Day” seriously, read that fucking story if you want a better appreciation for this shit.
Her and I legitimately believed we were going to be together forever (young love right?) so we decided we were going to do every stupid sexual thing we could think of. One night we’re in my parents basement (I was in high school don’t judge me) and we were, let’s say, having some innocent fun, until she stops in the middle and goes:
“I have an idea.”
“Okay?” I say very confused and somewhat frustrated because my penis had been rubbing against the inside of my jeans for forty five minutes and I though it was going to fall off.
“Give me one minute,” she says before disappearing upstairs only to return seconds later with a jug of chocolate syrup and a can of whipped cream.
“Let’s make sundaes,” she says with a big grin.
Now, I’m a very dumb man, but even I understood what she meant, and yet the first thing I said was:
“What if it makes a mess?” at the end of the day, I’m always an idiot.
“That’s just a risk we’ll have to take,” easy for her to say, this was my parents house.
I don’t know if any of you have ever actually tried this, but let me tell you from experience, it’s a fucking mess. I do NOT recommend this sexual practice.
We start drizzling chocolate and whipped cream over one another and this shit is getting EVERYWHERE. The floor looked like a Jackson Pollock painting and my chest felt like the business end of a strip of scotch tape. We eventually felt gross and made sweet sticky love to one another on the now abysmal floor, but otherwise I have nothing good to say about this experience. I heavily advise against it.